i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
