i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
