I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
