what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Of course I have a pirate flag
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
