WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
