He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
