I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.