I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
