if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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