sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just gift wrapped bread.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.