Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed