you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
this just has baby written all over it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.