Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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