She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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