The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
