I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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