Are my feet made of real feet?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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