I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize