Farmville is her only friend.
why do cheetos always look like penises
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
