so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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