i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
