ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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