I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
