ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
