Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
