this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
