twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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