Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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