And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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