I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
