You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just googled if crying burns calories
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
