Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
