I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His hands were made for my vagina.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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