Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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