I just made out with a guy for $7.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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