I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
