I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
