There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
