cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
