Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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