you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
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You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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