Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize