come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
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and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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