I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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