I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
