Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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