omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
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hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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