Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
