Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
