I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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