I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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