This is not my ceiling
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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