why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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