I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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