Betty ford says i'm here all night
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
