I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
