everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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