so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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