I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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