When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
