Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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