You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
