The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
