I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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