dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
