Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
