she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
