Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
