I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
