Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
