She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
